At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
