you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize