I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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