did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
