may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize