You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
