ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
