Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
