I should be sponsored by Trojan
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
