you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
