She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
