i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
