I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
