Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
