Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
