This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
