My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
