you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
