She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
