i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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