I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is classic penis vs brain.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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