you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
