is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
