You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
