So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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