3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize