i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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