Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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