Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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