Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
