I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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