If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
