Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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