dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize