And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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