If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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