How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
