Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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