Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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