So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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