If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
