Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
