This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
