so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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