I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
