I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
