i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
