Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
