mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
