Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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