Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
