Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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