my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
