i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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