Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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