I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
