a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
True college students do jello shots in the library
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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