New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
