I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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