I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
