I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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