I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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