I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Houston, we have a blender
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
