Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
